I never thought I'd be the type of person who could be a stay at home mum; I've always been so driven and career minded. Being at home with a baby, talking baby-talk, playing with rattles and changing nappies has never really appealed to me. In fact, it filled me with a sort of blind panic, making me feel claustrophobic at the very thought of it. How far from that do I feel now I am here, with my baby.
I've never been so happy in my life! It's not at all how I imagined. My little girl at 1 yr old has a whole personality of her own. She knows what she likes and dislikes; she is a happy soul, so innocent and pure. She loves to laugh and she loves kisses and cuddles. She takes pleasure in so many little things; things we as adults wouldn't even bat an eyelid at. She gets excited when it's time to nurse, when we are going out in the sling, when I get a yoghurt out of the fridge. She loves music and already dances to her favourite sounds, and she is soothed by my terrible singing!
She is much more intelligent than I give her credit for. For example, in just a matter of a week or so of me telling her that at nappy change time I expect her to come to me at the changing mat, and get up onto the mat for me to change her nappy, she now does it when I ask. For months now she has given kisses when asked for one. She gives herself a round of applause when we tell her 'well done'.
It's not all rattles and teethers either. She's inquisitive and surprises me in her simple curiosity and learning. She has lots of lovely toys, yet it never ceases to amaze me that she finds such pleasure at being handed the TV remote control (another thing she gets very excited by). Even more so, she loves, and I mean LOVES the wooden spoon. Wow, hours of fun with that one. It wins out over all her noisy, bright coloured, singing, moving toys.
Because everything's really a toy for her, everything in the house holds oodles of potential fun; I can elicit smiles and giggles no matter what we are doing. Pegging the washing out on the line is a game. She stands in the dining room at the patio doors watching me as I play peekaboo behind t-shirts and towels as I complete the daily chore. Watching her giggle as she suddenly spies the cat skulking across the grass. Folding and putting away the clean washing has always been a favourite of hers, since she was just a few months old. Lying on the bed with all the clean clothes around her, she enjoys the clothes being waved over her face, hiding her from view, then suddenly "peekaboo" and she giggles away. I drape the different fabrics over her face and she loves to feel the softness of them against her skin. Normally a 5 minute task, it takes us 20 minutes, but she's learning and laughing so it's worth it.
Then there's the social aspect. Sunny days are a real joy. Out we go to the park on the swings, or for a picnic, or just for a walk around the neighbourhood. It doesn't matter where we go...we always chat along the way. She's often in the sling so she's close as a whisper and we share kisses and smiles. She'll often fall asleep as we wander, snuggled into my chest and I proudly plant kisses on her head as she snoozes.
We can't go anywhere without someone saying hello, and asking how old she is, commenting on how beautiful she is. She's a head-turner. Such a beautiful face, chubby cheeks, big blue eyes, and a smile that could melt an iceberg.
Rainy days often mean us staying in. It's lovely to cuddle up on the sofa or the bed and have a little doze, wrapped in a woolly blanket all warm and cozy as the rain beats against the window. It gives us ample opportunity to get down to some serious play time too. We have toys scattered around the lounge floor as we build and destroy a tower of stacking cups, or read a book, or make music using her "instruments" and sing rhymes and songs. A cold rainy day often calls for some baking or cooking too and she joins me in the kitchen, sitting in her high chair, armed with toys as we discuss what I'm doing. With music on and some silly dancing from mummy, we make cooking fun, talking about when she'll be old enough to help out and how she will be my 'Chief Taster'.
As each day ends, and she goes to bed, it's nice to have a little time to myself with H. But I do miss her, even though she's just upstairs. More often than not, she'll awake during the night and I'll bring her in to our room, and she'll have sleepy snuggles and hold my hand as she falls asleep. Then I will wake and the first thing I see is her gorgeous smiling face beaming down at me. There's no better way to start the day than by seeing an amazing smile like that.
Everyday is a joy, because being her mummy is the best job in the world. It's full on - I'm never off duty. 24/7 I'm on call. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Each day is different as she does something new everyday; everyday she gives a more beautiful smile, or a more heartfelt laugh. Sometimes it's a developmental leap - she learnt to crawl or she pulled herself up. She makes my heart melt everyday. She now gives spontaneous hugs and kisses. It's something I don't think I could ever take for granted and something I never want to become complacent about. Every single hug, every single kiss is precious.
We have such wonderful times, and each day we grow closer and our bond deepens. I love her more each day, and as I sit now thinking about how much I love her, I can't imagine my heart could possibly hold any more love for her than it does now. Yet I know tomorrow it will grow and I will in fact love her even more than today.
I only wish she could remember these precious days where I have all the time in the world for her. Every waking moment for me is filled with her. I wish she could remember these amazing times with just her and mummy, all the times we laugh and all the new things we see. I never take a second of our time together for granted as these moments are the most precious of my life.
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Because she loves them so much, I wrote this:
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