Captivated !

When I first met my husband, I was instantly attracted to him. I thought he was a bit out of my league to be honest, but nevertheless I wanted to get to know him and found excuses to try and be in a situation where I could talk to him. When we started dating, I soon fell head over heels for him, He captured my heart and I was pretty much floating around on cloud nine for months. I wanted to spend every second with him, and I missed him when he wasn't with me. I still miss him when we're not together, and I still love him immensely, even more in fact now 11 years later. He captivated me all those years ago, and I love being with him.

Have you ever met someone you've been captivated by? Sometimes we can be captivated by people in a completely non-physical sense. Not a physical attraction like with our spouse, but more an attraction on another level: a connection may be a better description. Not even a friendship necessarily, but rather a person you just instantly have a connection with. Someone in whose presence you feel at ease; someone who oozes an aura that makes you feel warm, peaceful, comfortable and you don't even know why. There's something about being around that particular person that just makes you feel happy or peaceful in a way that you can't even put your finger on. It's something about their demeanour or character that you are enthralled by. Sometimes you can just be captivated by someone, like a magnet is pulling you to them because you have some kind of intangible, inexplicable connection. You just enjoy being in their presence and can't fully explain why, they simply have something about them that makes you feel different for being with them.

There is a Person Who has this effect on me and His name is Jesus. The Ultimate Captivator. Being with Him is a bit like a drug: it's addictive and the more time I spend with Him, the more I crave spending more time with Him. He's utterly captivating and you can't help but want to be with Him, get to know Him and love Him. I look forward to alone time with Him, and I smile when I hear His name or think of Him.

If you know Jesus, and you've ever tried to explain to someone what spending time with a Person you can't see physically is like, it's really difficult to explain isn't it? And if you don't know Jesus, and you want to understand why someone wants to spend time with a Person Who they can't see, well, it's really quite impossible to explain which is a shame because that's the reason for this post! Try as I might, I can't accurately find the words to convey how amazing it is. I can use the word amazing a lot, but it doesn't really come close. I can guarantee you it is real, and is just as fulfilling - actually no, it's more fulfilling than any other relationship you'll ever have. As crazy as it sounds, and yes it does sound crazy, there's more joy and fulfilment in a moment with Jesus, than with anyone, anything or anywhere else in the universe. The thing is, it's something no one else can help with; it's something you have to embark on yourself with Him.

Relationships grow, well they do if they're healthy. When I first met my husband, we spent time together and got to know each other. We talked, we had fun and we fell in love. As time goes on, yes we sometimes have disagreements, but our love has never waivered, it has only grown. Our relationship deepened and continues to do so as we know each other more, and we take pleasure in spending time together.  A relationship with Jesus is similar except He already knows us - the good the bad and the ugly. There's no point being on your 'best behaviour' like we sometimes do at the beginning of a relationship with our boyfriend/girlfriend, trying to portray the best of ourselves because He knows us inside out, yet still loves us. We can just be ourselves right from the outset, and He much prefers that. I'm quite sure I'll love my husband forever, and vice versa, but with human relationships, we know that our love isn't perfect and sometimes people can hurt each other, and even "fall out of love". With Jesus, there's no element of doubt as His love is unconditional, eternal and perfect. The security of knowing that you are completely loved, for eternity just as you are, and that you can't do anything to make Him love you more or less, is completely captivating and very liberating.

As I look back now on my relationship with Jesus, it also has grown, a bit like a human relationship. We've had our ups and downs. In reality it's my ups and downs as He's constant, never changing in His love and yearning to spend time with me; it's actually me who has had periods of neglecting Him, not spending time with Him, and being angry with Him. There's no point in sugar coating Christianity, we need to be real - sometimes I have been angry with Him! After all, I'm human, and we get angry sometimes.  A lot of people, if they are brave enough to admit it, are angry with God. The good thing about Him though is He understands, and He wants us to come to Him when we feel like that because He's real and He cares.  It's actually out of these times when I've run to Him when I've felt angry or upset that our relationship has deepened the most, because like a tender Father He has helped me and I've got to know Him even more.

When I first became a Christian, I didn't really know Who He was, and I wasn't sure of what He thought about me. I heard that He loved me, but I wasn't sure it was true. I heard that He wanted the best for me, but again, it wasn't personal or real. Relationships take time, and it's weird at first to contemplate that a Holy and righteous God, Who created the whole universe wants to spend time with you. But He does! It starts out by talking. We need to get talking to Him, listening too! Relationships rely on honest communication, and that is what sets Christianity apart from religion. Jesus invites you to be completely honest and completely yourself. If you're a mess, He doesn't mind - He says come as you are. We'll patch you up.  If you're not eloquent, or you think you're unworthy, He says, I love you and you don't need to be anything other than yourself because I created you, just come as you are and be loved. 

Just like you can tell me about your husband or wife or best friend, and you can tell me what they are like, what they do, how they spend their free time, I can tell you about Jesus. But unless I meet your husband/wife or best friend, I won't know them, I'll only know about them. I won't have a connection or a personal friendship or relationship because you can't have a relationship with someone you don't spend time with. Just hearing about someone is no substitute for relationship and a personal connection. This is why some churches are quite dead places. There's a lack of relationship. Where there's relationship, there's life, love and joy.

Similarly, someone can tell you a lot about Jesus, and it's great to hear about Him. But the difference comes when you actually get to know Him yourself by spending time with Him. Knowing about Him and knowing Him are two different things.  We can sit in church, week after week, year after year and hear about Jesus. We can sing songs and pray prayers and still not truly connect with Him. We can hear, and not really listen, we can sing and not engage in true worship. Going to church may help you hear about Him, but it won't automatically give you relationship with Him because relationships are personal. They require one-on-one time. It's not enough to just attend church, although of course attending church is great. Consider though, if we only spent an hour or two with our spouse each week, would we have a good relationship? If we ignored them for the other 166 hrs in the week, never spoke to them, never laughed with them, never shared our feelings, thoughts or comings-and-goings, how would our marriages be after a few weeks?

I've gone on a bit. It's one of the side effects of loving Him - you just want everyone else to come and experience the joy and love of Him too. It's too wonderful not to share - just like when you first fall in love, you can't help taking about that person all the time!

I'm not professing that I know Him in full by any means; I'm learning more every day about Him. In reality, after 25 yrs I've hardly scratched the surface of knowing Him. But the exciting thing is that there's so much more to know about Him, and I'll spend eternity getting to know Him, and there's nothing more fantastic than that prospect because every second with Him is pure heaven. My heart is His, and I am truly captivated with Him. I want to encourage you with all of my heart to get to know Him personally. It's not about religion, He's interested in relationship. He does the normality of real-life, He does pain-taking, He does healing, He does laughs, and He does love like you've never known. Be captivated!

The Jesus-shaped hole in our lives

Following on from my last post, another reason I wanted to give up my news-junkie ways is that so much of the news is really non-news and most of the time, I  got annoyed with the slant of the reporting, the awful grammar or the sheer 'un-news-worthiness' of many of the articles. Things are written to simply distract us. Articles about celebrities, the majority of whom I have never even heard of, doing seemingly normal, everyday things that fills up the news reels. I wonder how we have come to this point of spending what must add up to hours each week, reading pointless drivel. Again, we're letting junk into our hearts and minds, and the media spin is always on a superficial issue - somebody's weight gain, weight loss, plastic surgery, affair....the list is endless and vain.

There's a recurring theme I've found though from my news-reading days, and the celebrity-filled news sections have actually been a bit of a revelation and the main reason for this post. Even though I didn't (and still don't) know most of the celebrities featured, there's a very clear conclusion I have come to: no matter how much wealth, fame, outward beauty or popularity one can have, there's something missing that the money cannot buy that so often leads these "celebrities" to drink, drugs or addictions and even to compulsive affairs or plastic surgery.  Obviously it's not limited to those who are celebs, or those who have money, as millions of people fall into these traps looking for something better - that magic key that will bring them true happiness or contentment.  Yet, the simple truth is that there's a Jesus-shaped hole in people's lives which they try and fill with .....stuff. They look for that missing piece in a relationship (or multiple relationships), money, careers, success, status, houses, or in things like alcohol or drugs thinking these things will make them happy, or fill the gap that they know is deep within. But that gap will only be filled when you meet Jesus. When there's a longing or a yearning inside, when you think life will be better when the bank balance is higher, or when you're slimmer or younger-looking or have a better career, or a partner.....actually, that yearning will never be fulfilled until you meet Jesus. Society is so focused on material things, the world is becoming so superficial. We have more stuff than ever - gadgets that supposedly make life easier, things that entertain us (think phones and tablets). Yet people are more miserable than ever and the more stuff we accumulate, the more things we fill our lives with to try and fill the missing piece, the more miserable we actually become and the more we seek after yet more material stuff to fill that void. We always seem to think the grass is greener on the other side, that new partner will be the "one", that new house will bring happiness....but truth is, without Him, there's not even any grass, it's just a weedy wasteland.

There is a Jesus shaped hole in our lives, whether we realise it or not.. It doesn't matter if you have a little or have a lot. You could have financial security, stability, family, good health, career, friends.....it's still empty without Him. We're made in His image, for relationship with Him. That's our purpose - that's why we're here. So until we find that purpose in our lives, there'll always be a Jesus shaped hole in our lives.

Guarding our heart in these difficult times

I gave up something a few months ago: I gave up reading the news. Sounds a bit odd you may say, you need to be informed. Yes, I agree, but I was becoming a bit of a news junkie. I spent increasingly large portions of the morning reading the news or marking stories up to read later.  So now I just have the minute or so news that is on the radio each day to keep me up to date. Unless I specifically look something up, I keep away from news sites and newspapers.

I will say that it's been difficult to avoid slipping back into this trend with the recent terror attacks in the UK. There's a part of me that feels I should be seeing what is going on in more detail than the 2 minute news bulletins on the radio, but from the glimpses of headlines and articles posted on social media that I've caught, I'm really glad I haven't been in a newspaper or news site of any kind because the images and footage that are shown in these situations are quite frankly incredibly difficult to stomach. There are some images that never leave us and the emotions and feelings that these graphic images create within us are potentially damaging to the soul in my opinion. I remember one from last year of a toddler who had drowned, washed up on a beach - one of hundreds who drowned fleeing their country trying to escape the terror there. I could still cry at the thought of this image I saw, even now months and months later. This isn't healthy. Human - yes, but not healthy when you consider that this is one image amongst the hundreds we see each week of a similarly shocking nature from all around the globe, which penetrate into our hearts and minds.

These images are shown by the media to simply attract readers, and the more shocking the image, the better for them. It seems rare now for a journalist to be interested in anything other than scooping the best headline and the "best" images or footage. But as humans we carry these images around with us, and they affect us inside for long after the story has been published. If they fail to affect us, then we've been de-sensitised and that's just as much of a worry.

Maybe there are some things we need to see in order to make a change, or make a stand? Maybe, but on the whole the increasingly graphic nature of the media coverage is disturbing to me. I might be an overly sensitive soul, but there's a difference in hearing about a news item, and seeing the stark, heart-breaking images before your eyes, day after day. Consider that many of the people involved in such tragic instances I refer to (i.e. the terror attacks) are often treated for shock, or receive counselling, or suffer some anxiety or PTSD after such an event. Bystanders or eyewitnesses are often just as traumatised afterwards yet the footage is displayed to the general public in such depth and detail that they too are virtual bystanders, and there is no thought of their mental well-being. We are shown image after image of the events often as they are unfolding via cctv footage, mobile phone clips and at the scene images of those involved, and then....boom... on to the next item of some other atrocity in the world. It's a sad state where we are expected to take in all these things with no counter effects.

The media has a lot to answer for, and I do feel that this 'instant information' age we are in will have lasting consequences. We need to be careful what we're putting into our spirits; the bible tells us to guard our hearts. Letting in such graphic, disturbing images on a continual basis, is not going to be good for us. I have felt a difference for not being bombarded with information and I feel better for not seeing the images that I can imagine the media have displayed recently. It doesn't mean I haven't been upset; I have still felt many emotions and I have still prayed in earnest about the situation. However, I am glad I've not seen the images and footage of the events.

In these days where people get news instantly, where people are "plugged in" most of the time, and constantly getting information overload of some form or another via social media, I feel a great sense of urgency to take a step back and monitor more closely what I am letting into my heart, eyes and ears. The world is changing very quickly, and I feel that we weren't designed for this type of sensory and mental stress that we are experiencing in today's climate. The very fact that people aren't realising the continual assault of disturbing images that we are being exposed to by proxy is alarming. God only has our well-being in mind, so when He warns us to guard our heart, for out of it flows the springs of life we should take heed. It doesn't mean we become ignorant of what's going on around us, rather we examine what we are exposed to for our own well-being.