Sometimes life gets too overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed by the responsibilities of being a mum, of being a wife, of being a Christian. I'm overwhelmed by the job I do. I'm overwhelmed by the hatred and violence in the world.
There's so much pressure to be perfect - a perfect mum, making sure the children have a great childhood, and an all-round education. Are they happy? Are they content? Are they learning? Do they feel loved enough? Are they doing enough? Are they doing too much?
Then there's my Christian walk - am I praying enough? Am I praying about the right things? Am I spending enough time with God? Am I reading my bible enough? There's so many Christian books I want to read too - how do I prioritise them? Do I read them or my bible? Am I being a good ambassador for Christ? Am I feeding the hungry and helping the needy? Am I showing love to those around me?
Then my job - such a big responsibility. It never stops, and I can't take a day off and recharge, so that's just a constant battle some days to keep going, and keep patient and give this little one my all because, well .... he has no one else and we just have to give him what he deserves for as long as he's with us.
In between all that, there's the daily chores of cooking and cleaning up, and the washing and going here and there, and all the little daily things that need to be done.
Then there's my husband - he kind of gets pushed to the back of the queue sometimes as I pretty much always make a little time for God in my day. always have time for the kids (not as much as I like), always have housework to do, but he just gets what's left of me. If any.
I struggle with what's going on in the world - the atrocities in the news and even just the selfishness of people out and about in the car when I get cut up on the road. All of it adds to the daily grind. And it is a grind sometimes. It grinds you down as there's so little time and so much to do, and so many tasks and expectations, that any new annoyance or issue is like the straw breaking the camel's back.
Sometimes it feels as though the whole day I'm rushing through life, and from morning til evening I barely even breathe. I just exist in a virtual inhalation of breath and zoom around, hoping I get everything done, and everyone's happy, and worrying whether I've lost my cool too many times....then the evening comes, and I finally exhale, until it's time to do it all again tomorrow. I don't find this kind of existence very worthwhile and I feel overwhelmed with it all. As the days and the weeks go on, I am spiralling into an evermore deeper state of stress and tension.
I've been really challenged by this recently as I can feel the pent up feelings inside, and as the to-do list grows and grows, and my free time dwindles, I feel so overwhelmed and my patience, kindness, and love disappears down the drain. Confession - I'm becoming a bit of a volcanic drama queen! Meaning, I erupt with the smallest of issues and make them HUGE with a large dollop of molten lava spewing from my head. Not a pretty sight. Life just seems so complicated and so busy. I am an over-thinker, and a perfectionist, so everything has to be just so and everything has to make sense to me. This is not how life is meant to be. Jesus said that His yoke was light, and that His joy is our strength.
As I was reading and having quiet time with God last week, He said, "You over complicate things. Life is easier when you just Love God, Love people." Then He had me do something else. He had me write in my kitchen "BREATHE, JUST BREATHE. COME AND REST AT MY FEET". This is a line from a song; a song that although I've heard it many times, only these words from it stay with me, as if God just wants me to catch this sentence. Whenever life gets overwhelming, I just need to take a couple of moments to breathe, and rest for a moment at His feet. I see these words in the kitchen and it's a reminder for me to exhale. Take a new breath, and breathe in the presence and the joy and the peace of Jesus.
There's no where else that Love pours over you, no where else that the stresses and burdens of this world can be taken off your shoulders, no where else where you are completely forgiven and accepted than at His feet. The battle of life is not won with fighting or with blood, sweat and tears. The battle of life is won on our knees, at His feet receiving His love so that Love can fill us up, and be poured out to the people around us.
Breathe, rest, Love God, Love People.
