Christmas!!

Come on.....it's 4 days til Christmas. It has to be done....


I love this time of year, and this year I've been doing Christmassy things since 1st December. We've read Christmas books; counted down to Christmas with our Christmas snowman; had advent chocolates; decorated our house with the tinselly, glittery wonders that drive me to distraction being a bit of a clean freak; baked Christmas cookies; planned Christmas food; lit Christmas candles; sang Christmas songs and carols; took many walks to look at the Christmas lights; picked and wrapped presents and written cards.  But the reality of Christmas being just 4 days away doesn't incite the same wonder and excitement within me as it did when I was a little girl. I only hope that all these things we have done have made memories so sweet and precious in my own children that will live with them their whole lives.

I'm not a bah-humbug, though, don't mistake me. I don't feel the magical excitement of expectation that I had as a child. However, I realised that I have two things that are just as ....no, actually, even more special and priceless than that child-like wonder, awe and anticipation that Christmas brings to children.
The first is the amazing privilege of creating wonderful memories for my own children, and watching their joy that Christmas, and the run up to it, brings. The little family traditions we are building and the excitement of such simple things like opening the advent calendar and having that tiny little chocolate, and having Christmas stories around the advent candle by the big beast of a Christmas tree (yes, it's huge! but I've come to embrace it as the children adore it). The excitement for me and the magic for me lives in the delight of my children at this special time.

Secondly, as the years pass on, and the presents I receive dwindle, I have found an increasing revelation of the true meaning of Christmas. The best and True Gift that God so loved the world, that He so loved me, that He sent us His precious Jesus is more and more real to me.  The magical excitement of presents and reindeer and a big red suit, has been far surpassed with an immeasurable sense of wonder and awe of what was really done for us. God, Creator of the whole universe, had this plan from the very beginning. Man's fall in the garden of Eden did not faze God. He always always has a plan for us, no matter how much we mess up or deviate from His best plans. He will always always provide a way back to His loving arms. And when man messed up big style, God's redemption plan was a cost so high, so huge, that we can never even come close to contemplating what it felt like for the Father to know that to bring His beloved creation back to Him, that He would need to sacrifice His Son. And that is the heart of Christmas - God giving us the most costly and dear Gift that man could imagine.

Do you sometimes skim over the nativity story, dismiss the idea of God coming to earth as a man, think the virgin birth a little far fetched? Do you think God wouldn't really care that much to bring mankind back to Him? It was foretold by God right at the very beginning, in Genesis after the fall of man. It was prophesied time and time again throughout the Bible. It was expounded upon with every detail of prophecy coming to pass, not a single detail unfulfilled. Whether you know much of the Bible or not, let me tell you that once you start seeing it in the Old Testament, it's utterly awe inspiring to see how God's Gift of Jesus was His heart and longing because He loves us so much.
And that love, that sacrifice from God the Father, to make a way back to Him is the true magic and wonder of Christmas. That depth of that love is a far greater gift than any earthly gift. The ultimate gift of Love comes from knowing Him. That's what Christianity is - a real relationship with God. It's not rules or religion. I believe with all my heart that God hates religion because it shackles people. It puts them into a place of distance from God because they're always striving to fulfil a commandment or follow a set of rules, when all God really wants from us is to let Him love us. That is what God created us for. To love us, and us to love Him, because falling in love with Jesus is the easiest thing in the world. (Yes, I said falling in love with Him because that is all you can do when you start to get to know Him, He's irresistably loveable it's unlike any love you will ever or have ever felt before). And that knowledge and the presence of that love, personified in the Person of Jesus, is so wonderful and magical and exciting. For me, as we place our eyes and thoughts on the birth of Jesus, the wonder of His love is the most amazing thing about Christmas.

Have a wonderful Christmas. I pray that you have the courage and audacity to ask Father God to show you His love this Christmas, to give you a glimpse of what true wonder, amazement and joy there is at this time of year. I know if you do, He will welcome you with His loving arms and show you His ultimate Gift of love to you: Jesus.
Amen, xx

Someone's Dad

If your dad kissed you and held you tight,

and promised you everything on your very first night,

Holding you in his arms so strong,

Vowing he'll love you his whole life long.

If he ran around the garden with his arms stretched wide,

As you ran through his legs and had fun outside.

If you splashed in the pool with a duck and a boat,

You giggled and shrieked as he acted the goat.

If he took you to beaches and ran in the park,

Flew kites in the wind and watched stars in the dark.

If he came home from work and wanted to play,

If he read you a story at bedtime each day,

If you sat on his shoulders and saw the world from up high,

If you cried on his shoulder and he dried your eye.

If you sat on his lap when you felt unwell

And he fixed up your knee when down you fell

If he lay on the sofa where you wanted to sit,

And read you the paper to "teach you a bit";

If his feet stank so bad it made you feel ill,

If he told you off, but said he loved you loads still.

If he came to your matches and school fetes and plays,

If he taught you how to play chess and cards on wet days,

If he held you so close when you felt really scared

And told you it's ok, and you knew that he cared.

If he dropped you to school and stopped round the bend

Just so that you could keep face with your friend,

If he taxi'd you round and gave you a lift,

If he came home from work with an impromptu gift.

If he embarrassed you with his awful dad dance,

If he gave you the "look", and took that stern stance

When you cheeked your mum back or stepped out of line

He'd tell you off, but his hugs made it all fine.

If he tickled your tummy, your sides or your feet

Because he said your smiles were so sweet,

If he annoys you with all his silly dad traits

And tells you that you can’t go out on dates.

If your dad does any, or all of these things

Just know that it's you who makes his heart sing.

You're blessed beyond measure, don’t take him for granted

To some he's a dream, a dad we've always wanted.

The hardest job - Being a Parent

This is a blog about my recent revelations of parenting after much frustration, prayer, tears and more prayer. Not meant to offend, simply to share what has come out of my frustration, tears and prayers, and to ask some questions about parenting. I really hope you enjoy x


There was a father who gave his children everything. He provided them with a beautiful life and world and they lived in the most beautiful place on earth.
So they had a beautiful place to live, every material thing they could possibly want, and he spent time with them everyday, and loved them. But they went against their father's instructions, despite them being adults and him pre-warning them that it was for their own protection. Despite their father loving them so, showing his love in every way, they disregarded his words, and they listened to someone they didn't know or trust who questioned their father's integrity. As a result, they ended up losing all that their father had given them. They messed up big time. They lost absolutely everything - their beautiful home that their father made for them with his own two hands, and even their clothing!

Now, if your child had done this, how would you feel? More importantly, how would you respond? When your child disobeys you, how do you respond? Generally our children don't do anything so drastically terrible as to lose their entire inheritance. They may just throw a ball in the house and break a vase, and we get cross - we may shout, or we may even punish our child in some way with the temporary loss of a toy or privilege. We may be so cross that we withdraw our presence for a while in the form of a time out. If the child breaks their own possession because of throwing the ball in the house, we may say "tough luck - you broke it, now it's gone and won't get replaced" and try and teach a life lesson.
As parents, there are many many times our little ones will go against our instructions. We can't make our children obey us, yet many modern parenting books seem to be intent on this sort of training of our children. Whether that be to sleep through the night or actually how to discipline by implementing time outs and the such. Of course, we need our children to be safe but do our modern day punishments and parenting techniques really teach our children anything? And do they line up with what we know about parenting from the Bible?

As a Christian, I've often wondered why the Bible is so very devoid of any great teachings and instructions on how to parent. It's abundant in topics such as faith, prayer, trust, and not living in fear. But one of the most challenging and important parts of our lives upon this earth is being a parent and the Bible is quiet on the subject. Or is it??  I've been really seeking the Lord on this matter. I can't get along with some of the modern parenting techniques used widely today. They feel out of sync with my instincts. When I've used them, I feel in some way that something isn't right. (I will point out at this point that if anyone uses any techniques I might mention, and they work for you, that's great. I'm not condemning anyone else's style of parenting. I'm simply using my space here to put forth my thoughts and what has been revealed to me by the Lord from seeking His guidance for my own family. I'm simply putting forth my interpretation of what I feel the Bible reveals about parenting and thinking about how modern parenting techniques line up with this. It's a subject to think about.  As I said, the Bible is fairly devoid of very specific parenting instructions, like what to do when your younger child thinks it's hilarious to repeatedly wallop your older child over the head!)

There are lots of parents in the Bible. Some good ones, some not so good. But you can look at someone great, like David. A man loved of God. God's friend. A man after God's own heart. He surely was a good parent? Well, not so much. I'll leave you to read up for yourself but I'm not sure I'd want my kids to end up like his.  So where can we take our parenting cues from?

Let's just skip back to our story from the beginning. The father who did everything, loved much, but his kids lost everything he gave them because they rebelled against him. How would you, as a parent, react in that first instant when your children came and told you that they'd lost everything because they rebelled against. you? Oh, I should point out that you've had to hunt them down as they'd decided to lie low and go into hiding too!
Let's get his reaction.....he finds his kids who were hiding. He's been calling them and they answer and tell him that they were scared as they've not even got clothes to wear! Everything's gone. One of them blames the other one, saying it was all their fault. The father asks them what happened and they told him everything. First thing the father does is deal with the person who conned them. He explained to his children that as a result of what they'd done, there would be some natural consequences. He then gave them new clothes, a job and then promised that he would plan to get back what had been stolen and restore it all.

Not once did he get angry with his children. Not once did he leave them. Not once did he withhold his love from them. What he did do was talk to them about the natural consequences and advise why they were happening. He didn't leave them with the makeshift clothes that had made for themselves, he gave them warm clothing and he gave them a job because now they had to work. You may know these children. You may know their father. The children were Adam and Eve. And the father is Father God. The very first example in the bible of a parent dealing with His children. There's only one parent I want to take my guidance from on matters of rearing children, and that's Father God, the Ultimate Parent.  It's very akin to the prodigal son we see in the New Testament. The boys have everything they need with their father, but one wants to take his inheritance (probably leading to some legal matters in order to actually provide the inheritance and portion of the estate to the man before his father has actually died). The result is that he squanders his inheritance, disrespects his father (basically saying, look, I can't wait for you to die, just give me my money and I'm off), and he lives an indulgent, sinful life. He gets into a hole and decides he'll slope off home. The father never once berates him. Never says "Told you so". Never shows any disappointment in his son. He's just happy to extend his love to his son when he returns. First thing he does is run TO his son. He doesn't let his son come to him, he actually runs to him, with open arms, offering the love and protection of a loving father. The lifestyle and mistakes aren't even discussed. There's just love and acceptance - no punishment, but a feast, a new pair of sandals on his feet as he had none. Not what you'd expect when you've lost money, deserted your family and come home with your tail between your legs. I'd expect a lecture, at the very least! Possibly some "idiot" and "stupid" name calling, and definitely not a welcome home party.

The bible says that when sin abounds, grace super-abounds. There's a saying, "A child needs love when he least deserves it".  So when our children are "naughty" this is when we should react in the most love. Meaning no anger or punishment, because punishment is never meant for man. God's will is that we should all be enveloped in His love, in eternal communion and relation with Him. I obey Father God because He loves me, and I love Him. Yes, I make mistakes, but I am 100% certain that when I do something wrong, whether intentional or unintentional, that God never abandons me. When I make a mistake, or I'm upset, God never ever leaves me. When life gets on top of me, and I need a good cry or a good "primal scream", He never shuns me or tells me to shut up. I feel quite confident that at my lowest points, He's even closer with me. When I'm upset about something, and I have a hissy fit, He puts His loving arms around me and tells me to fear not, that He makes all things new. When I've done something wrong - maybe I've thought badly about someone - He tells me there's no condemnation and there's no boundary to His love. The reason people don't run to God, and even to their own parents, when they are in trouble or things have gone badly, is because they either fear they'll be rejected, or they'll be condemned and punished.

Now, if God came to me with harsh words, I'd withdraw from Him. If He said to me when I was getting frustrated and angry that He was withdrawing His loving presence to let me think about how bad I was being, then I wouldn't feel safe coming to Him in my time of need. I don't believe that my God, my Father, my Abba Daddy Who loves me so much, would ever withdraw from me when I needed His help the most. I'm an adult; I'm 30-something. I should know how to deal with my emotions. I should know how to behave and react in most situations. But I still let big emotions get the better of me sometimes. Sometimes, I just can't deal with my emotions very well. Sometimes, I just don't behave the way I should. How much more my children? Tiny people who don't know how to behave at all, or how to deal with emotions?  The way I respond to them now will determine how they will feel about their relationship and security and trust in me in the future.

God created us with a free will and He never ever wants to control us. He wants us to love Him and obey Him because we love Him. And we love Him because He loves us, and He's so gracious with us. Yes He corrects us. But correction is NOT punishment. We don't get punished by God, so should we punish our children?
We can't control our children. They are people with their own free will. They will disobey at times, but how we react to that will determine so many things. If we put them on a step or in their room for "time out", what are we saying to them? Are we saying, deal with those emotions alone. I'm not here for you when you act out - I'll deal with you when you're calm and nice and apologetic. I'll withdraw my presence from you when you don't behave how I expect you to, or you can't control your emotions and throw a tantrum. Deal with it alone.
Now, I'm not attacking anyone who uses time outs, or naughty steps etc, I'm just asking the question : if God doesn't do that to us, should we be doing that to our children? Discipline comes from the same root as the word disciple. Discipleship is definitely not punishment; rather it is followship. So if we want to discipline our children, we should be teaching them followship. They follow our lead, and if we follow God's lead, then our children will be learning well.

Correction is always gentle with Christ. He comes to us gently and there's much patience in His approach. We all want well behaved, well adjusted children. But children by their very nature do not understand our social expectations. What many would consider bad behaviour is often just a child having fun, and not understanding the complex social tenets we have created. From my personal experience, a gentle, age-appropriate verbal correction with love and empathy usually works wonders. When something more is called for, instead of pushing away a child and withdrawing our guidance and presence in the form of a time out, I use a "Time In" where the child sits with me, with a physical connection - holding hands, or even on my knee - whilst we have some quiet time to calm down in the safety of mummy's arms or presence. Then it's a talk about why we're in Time In, in age-appropriate terms. Then there's big hugs and hopefully the lesson that although they weren't behaving how they should do, that mummy understands that they were angry / frustrated  or just didn't understand, but mummy is always there to help them through the big scary feelings, and that next time we might be able to deal with it better. And most importantly, they felt loved and supported, and never felt alone or scared.

This isn't to say I get it right all the time. I get cross and I do shout at times. I have sent my children to their rooms, mainly for me to calm down, because nothing seems to make me as cross as a 3 year old child for some reason. But, I'm battling with my own parenting experiences as a child, which is half the battle. But the shouting and the getting cross spirals into a circle of worse behaviour, and ultimately more cross words and punishments and I'm so disconnected from my child, they feel like my enemy instead of my precious little gift from God. I can't connect to my children when I'm trying to just "discipline" them through punishment. All I seem to do is get more frustrated that they aren't behaving in a way I want them to. When my actual goal as a parent is for them to make good choices about what they do, and express their feelings in a healthy way, always feeling loved and connected to me, and looking to me for their guidance, until they're old enough to look to Jesus for their example and guidance themselves. My prayer is that I do a good enough job now, to ensure that they get to that place themselves and feel loved, secure and free enough to be themselves with no fear of me, and no fear of God.
Heavenly Father, I ask in the name of Jesus that You would give me the wisdom and strength and patience to parent my children as You would if You were raising them  -Amen.