Good Times

Being at home with my little girl every day is amazing. I'm so blessed to be able to spend all my time with her. I miss her so much when I'm not with her. It feels like a part of me is missing....like my own heart is absent from my body, and I'm eagerly awaiting its return.

I never thought I'd be the type of person who could be a stay at home mum; I've always been so driven and career minded. Being at home with a baby, talking baby-talk, playing with rattles and changing nappies has never really appealed to me. In fact, it filled me with a sort of blind panic, making me feel claustrophobic at the very thought of it.  How far from that do I feel now I am here, with my baby.

I've never been so happy in my life! It's not at all how I imagined. My little girl at 1 yr old has a whole personality of her own. She knows what she likes and dislikes; she is a happy soul, so innocent and pure. She loves to laugh and she loves kisses and cuddles.  She takes pleasure in so many little things; things we as adults wouldn't even bat an eyelid at. She gets excited when it's time to nurse, when we are going out in the sling, when I get a yoghurt out of the fridge. She loves music and already dances to her favourite sounds, and she is soothed by my terrible singing!

She is much more intelligent than I give her credit for. For example, in just a matter of a week or so of me telling her that at nappy change time I expect her to come to me at the changing mat, and get up onto the mat for me to change her nappy, she now does it when I ask. For months now she has given kisses when asked for one. She gives herself a round of applause when we tell her 'well done'.
It's not all rattles and teethers either. She's inquisitive and surprises me in her simple curiosity and learning. She has lots of lovely toys, yet it never ceases to amaze me that she finds such pleasure at being handed the TV remote control (another thing she gets very excited by). Even more so, she loves, and I mean LOVES the wooden spoon. Wow, hours of fun with that one. It wins out over all her noisy, bright coloured, singing, moving toys.

Because everything's really a toy for her, everything in the house holds oodles of potential fun; I can elicit smiles and giggles no matter what we are doing. Pegging the washing out on the line is a game. She stands in the dining room at the patio doors watching me as I play peekaboo behind t-shirts and towels as I complete the daily chore. Watching her giggle as she suddenly spies the cat skulking across the grass.  Folding and putting away the clean washing has always been a favourite of hers, since she was just a few months old. Lying on the bed with all the clean clothes around her, she enjoys the clothes being waved over her face, hiding her from view, then suddenly "peekaboo" and she giggles away. I drape the different fabrics over her face and she loves to feel the softness of them against her skin. Normally a 5 minute task, it takes us 20 minutes, but she's learning and laughing so it's worth it.

Then there's the social aspect. Sunny days are a real joy. Out we go to the park on the swings, or for a picnic, or just for a walk around the neighbourhood. It doesn't matter where we go...we always chat along the way. She's often in the sling so she's close as a whisper and we share kisses and smiles. She'll often fall asleep as we wander, snuggled into my chest and I proudly plant kisses on her head as she snoozes.

We can't go anywhere without someone saying hello, and asking how old she is, commenting on how beautiful she is. She's a head-turner. Such a beautiful face, chubby cheeks, big blue eyes, and a smile that could melt an iceberg.

Rainy days often mean us staying in. It's lovely to cuddle up on the sofa or the bed and have a little doze, wrapped in a woolly blanket all warm and cozy as the rain beats against the window. It gives us ample opportunity to get down to some serious play time too. We have toys scattered around the lounge floor as we build and destroy a tower of stacking cups, or read a book, or make music using her "instruments" and sing rhymes and songs. A cold rainy day often calls for some baking or cooking too and she joins me in the kitchen, sitting in her high chair, armed with toys as we discuss what I'm doing. With music on and some silly dancing from mummy, we make cooking fun, talking about when she'll be old enough to help out and how she will be my 'Chief Taster'.

As each day ends, and she goes to bed, it's nice to have a little time to myself with H. But I do miss her, even though she's just upstairs. More often than not, she'll awake during the night and I'll bring her in to our room, and she'll have sleepy snuggles and hold my hand as she falls asleep. Then I will wake and the first thing I see is her gorgeous smiling face beaming down at me. There's no better way to start the day than by seeing an amazing smile like that.

Everyday is a joy, because being her mummy is the best job in the world. It's full on - I'm never off duty. 24/7 I'm on call. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Each day is different as she does something new everyday; everyday she gives a more beautiful smile, or a more heartfelt laugh. Sometimes it's a developmental leap - she learnt to crawl or she pulled herself up. She makes my heart melt everyday. She now gives spontaneous hugs and kisses. It's something I don't think I could ever take for granted and something I never want to become complacent about. Every single hug, every single kiss is precious.

We have such wonderful times, and each day we grow closer and our bond deepens. I love her more each day, and as I sit now thinking about how much I love her, I can't imagine my heart could possibly hold any more love for her than it does now. Yet I know tomorrow it will grow and I will in fact love her even more than today.

I only wish she could remember these precious days where I have all the time in the world for her. Every waking moment for me is filled with her. I wish she could remember these amazing times with just her and mummy, all the times we laugh and all the new things we see. I never take a second of our time together for granted as these moments are the most precious of my life.
          * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *                  

Because she loves them so much, I wrote this:

Ode to the wooden spoon

No bright colours displayed
No music played
No lights no words or sounds you make
No moving parts
No rattle or shake
No textured surface for learning’s sake

Just brown plain wood
A simple shape
The only sound a bang you make
You are loved above any other:
Toy or doll, but not quite mother
You’re not thrown on the floor
Or dismissed so soon
What is your secret, oh wooden spoon?

Our Breastfeeding Journey

Well, it's over a whole year now that I've been breastfeeding my daughter. I'm immensely proud of myself for getting this far. It's been a wonderful journey, with a few ups and downs.

My initial thoughts when pregnant were to "give it a go". We'd given so much thought to what pram to buy, nursery furniture etc, yet we'd given so little thought to how we wanted to actually feed and nourish our child.  Whilst pregnant, I knew I wanted to definitely give my baby the colostrum, or the creme de la creme of mummy's milk which provides such immense goodness to baby. We didn't buy formula, and I did read up on how to breastfeed, but I never had strong feelings about breastfeeding and assumed at some point we would be using formula, and we bought bottles and a steriliser. It also never really occurred to me that breastfeeding wouldn't be easy for me or baby. Unfortunately, it isn't easy. In fact, it's hard work both for mum and baby.

The First Few Days

Although she latched on pretty well straight away, she didn't continue to latch on so well and I wasn't prepared for how much it hurt, and how exhausting it would be. Not only did it make me incredibly hungry and thirsty, she was feeding for around 40 mins at a time every 30 minutes or so through the night. Those first few nights in hospital are now a blur; I just remember thinking at the time that I just wanted to get those first few days over and done with and it was only sheer determination that kept me going. I was desperate for sleep. I'm not surprised that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. No one could ever describe how truly awful you feel physically and mentally when you are that tired. Every time I dropped off to sleep, she woke up for a feed; I had literally just fallen asleep for a few minutes and there she was crying again. I was so incredibly tempted to call the midwife and ask her to bring some formula.

I thought I wasn't giving her any milk, or that I was a useless mum and it just wasn't working. I was told she was cluster feeding. I had no idea what this was....I just knew I couldn't keep my eyes open and I hadn't the energy to actually ask what this was. To top it off, the midwives told me that I wasn't allowed to fall asleep whilst breastfeeding her. In fact they were all very 'strict headmistress' about it, saying that if they caught me asleep with her at the breast they'd have to "Make a Note". I had no idea what that meant either, but in my exhausted state, with hormones making me feel ecstatic one minute and teary the next, I had visions that it meant I would have my baby taken off me for being a terrible mum.  Really not very helpful when they're supposed to be supporting mums who want to breastfeed. Shame on you NHS!

Then a very nice health visitor came to see me and told me how tiny my baby's tummy was, and that she could only hold a little tiny bit of milk in her tummy, but she digested it pretty fast because it's full of lots of brilliant stuff that baby needs. Then I expressed a little of the colostrum into a syringe, and got a teeny tiny bit out and was told that was more than most mums were able to express. The midwife who helped me explained that this is why baby is on the breast so much at the moment. I then saw that my tiny precious baby needed to feed a LOT to get enough to fill her little tum.  I have to say, a bottle of formula seemed like a good idea at this point. But I was determined to give my little one all the goodness I could.
                        

Substance use

I wrote this blog on May 19th 2012.....

You may think that’s a strange title for a blog entry. You may think that’s a strange title for a good Christian woman’s blog entry. But I’m going to convince you why substance use is good, and not only good, but why you should be doing it. Intrigued???? Good, read on...

I have often heard about people having “vision”. Not the having sight sort of vision, but the vision that is super-spiritual, that involves a deep, trembly voice and lots of pious and holy-looking facial contortions. To be honest, the word has always invoked a kind of fear and scepticism in me. But actually, when we get down to the actual definition of “vision”, it’s the ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom.  So it’s the stuff we dream about, the stuff we hope for, the stuff we desire to come to pass. That’s not actually so scary. We all have our hopes and dreams.
 

I’ve not gone off on a tangent there; it’s important to understand this to get down to our Substance Use. Because, Hebrews 11 v 1 says:  “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for”.
One of my favourite verses in the Bible, I remember when I first read this, years ago. It was like a light was switched on in my brain and all of a sudden, all the preaches I had been hearing, all the things that Christians were telling me, suddenly made sense. Whatever I hope for cannot be seen, it’s just some desire in my heart, and a picture in my mind. You can leave your hopes and dreams there....as whims, or unfulfilled fragments of potential. No one can see them, no one can touch them, no one has any notion of them. But (and here’s the science bit) when you use your faith, something happens and they become tangible reality; they go from the unseen, to the visible.

So what happens when we use this faith? If you skip forward to verse 3, it says,
“Through faith, we understand that the worlds were framed by the Word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear”.

That’s a bit mind blowing. There was nothing (“things which do not appear”) then God injected some of His faith, and suddenly the world and the universe are here! Wow, that’s some major powerful substance, is that faith!!! God created the world, from nothing, using something called faith, and all of a sudden there are hills, seas, mountains, trees, stars, moons, us....everything you see. Let’s just have a look at the Amplified Bible for a moment, and look at verses 1 and 3 of Hebrews 11.
“NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].
By faith we understand that the worlds [during the successive ages] were framed (fashioned, put in order, and equipped for their intended purpose) by the word of God, so that what we see was not made out of things which are visible.”
So faith is real, it’s tangible, it’s the substance of the unseen things we hoped for. If something has got substance, then we can see it. Substance is defined as a particular kind of matter with uniform properties; the quality of having a solid basis in reality or fact.

So faith is real. In fact, faith is the title deed. I love this. A title deed is a document that proves ownership. That’s outstanding...if you use faith, you’ve granted yourself a title deed proving ownership or possession of the thing you’re hoping for. It’s a bit like purchasing something online. When I order and pay for something, it’s legally mine. I get a receipt for my order via email, and I wait for delivery. Even though delivery may take a few days, the item is mine. So when we see a vision for our lives, we pray and release faith and speak those faith filled words, and this becomes our proof of purchase or our title deed. And we keep trusting and wait patiently for delivery.

You may say, hold on, God’s faith and my faith are very different things. God’s God, but I’m just little old me. Well, that’s faulty thinking. You're not just little old you: you’re a faith being; you’ve been adopted into His family, you have the mind of Christ. Romans 12 tells us God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. There’s no need to worry, God’s given you a measure of faith, and we’re told even faith as tiny as a grain of mustard seed can move mountains.

So let’s sum up before we continue any further. Firstly, we hope for things and these things are not seen. However, if we use faith (which we all have, and which we know is mighty powerful), our hopes become real because the faith we use has given them substance. We don’t need loads of faith, just tiny grains of it will produce amazing things.
Just to check we’re all understanding here, Faith is the substance we’re using...not any kind of illegal contraband! Ok.....just checking we're all on the same page.

How do we get loads of this faith so it’s not just little mustard seed sized? Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word. We must listen to the Word, confess the Word, listen to people who talk the Word. How do we activate our faith? Well, what did God do? He spoke. But He didn’t use faithless, idle talk. He was careful about what He said. He only said what His vision was, and when He gave substance to His vision using His faith filled words (“Let there be light” being one example), then the vision was made real.
We have this substance, faith, at our disposal for our hopes when they’re in line with His word. Let’s get some substance to our hopes. And we need to keep on doing it and making it a lifestyle. Hebrews 10 v 38 – Now the just shall live by faith.

So, you may think, what do I do? Have a hope for something, release my faith, see it come to pass, then do it all over again? Is this scriptural? Well, yes the good news is that it is scriptural. The Bible tells us in Proverbs that we must “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding” But not only that, but that the more we use our faith, the more pleasing we are to God. (Hebrews 11 v 6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him”). So, look into your heart, what desires and hopes has God put there for your life? One by one, start giving them some substance through your faith and keep on doing it and you will be a God pleaser.

Made for Him

I wrote this in November 2011

Genesis 1 v 26
God said, Let Us [Father, Son, and Holy Spirit] make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness, and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the [tame] beasts, and over all of the earth, and over everything that creeps upon the earth
We are super-special. We know this because the very first book in the Bible tells us so. It tells us that we were created by God. Let’s have a selah moment and stop there for a second. You were created, you were planned and thought out by God. He had you in mind, setting out a plan and a purpose for your life (Jeremiah 1 v 5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you). You weren’t a mistake, or a product of evolution. You are here because God created you.

But it gets better than that. You weren’t just created; you’re not just any old creature. You’re created in the likeness and image of God Himself. That’s mind-blowing. He Himself created you in His own likeness. He wanted a family, and friendship and He created us for that purpose. He loves spending time with us and when we’re living our lives ignoring Him, we’re not living out our purpose.

Now it’s true that individually we may have a calling, a vocation, a business, hobbies, a family....and all that is perfectly ok. We may have a ministry, whether that be evangelising the gospel, healing the sick, or we may be a prayer warrior. But our first and foremost call in life is to fellowship with Him. Anything that is taking the place of that, including your ministry, is not in line with His desires for you.

We are the bride of Christ. Just as God created Adam and saw he was better with a woman by his side as a companion, so God created Eve. She was created for Adam and we, as the bride of Christ, are created for Him. I like how 1 Corinthians 11 v 8 &9 puts it: For man was not [created] from woman, but woman from man; Neither was man created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man. We are here on this planet because God put us here to commune and fellowship with Him, exactly like he put woman here for the fellowship of Adam.
The bible doesn’t strictly tell us how much time elapsed between creation and the fall. It doesn’t tell us what Adam & Eve did during that time. But it does give us a little glimpse when it tells us in Genesis 3 v 8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day. I get the impression that this was a daily thing that God did. He came to Adam & Eve in the garden in the evenings and spent time with them. Now God probably wasn’t in the garden when Eve was being deceived, so they did have their own time. But everyday, they fellowshipped with God.
So, we need to make sure we remember that no matter what anyone says about you, you are special. God loves you and He wants to spend time with you . Don’t forget your fundamental calling.

Some musings on Instincts

I wrote this in September 2011

I studied Psychology at Uni and we learnt about the flight or fight theory. Basically when confronted with a hostile situation or an attack, to survive you would either take flight (i.e. run for your life) or fight (i.e. defend yourself and fight the attack). I asked the question what determines which we would do? Some animals are prone to one or the other. Humans however, I was told would react out of instinct.
Instinct is something I have been thinking about a lot recently.  The dictionary definition is:  An inborn pattern of activity or tendency to action common to a given biological species; a natural or innate impulse, inclination, or tendency; natural intuitive power.

Twelve months ago I would have told you I have no maternal instincts. In fact it was around 12 months ago to the day that my work colleague was 4 months pregnant and we were talking about babies and children and I actually said, “I don’t have a maternal bone in my body”. I had no idea that when I said that I was about a week or maybe 2 weeks pregnant myself. I honestly had no maternal instincts.  Twelve months on, with a 3 month old baby, a whole new world has opened up to me. A world I never knew....I am a mother and somehow, I now have maternal instincts. I am in tune with my baby and although I am still learning, and being a parent is tough, and a lot more than just instinctual....there’s something inside me that just knows what my baby needs. It’s very difficult to explain – it’s something deep inside that tells me that my baby needs cuddling to stop that crying; or that the crying is something more than hunger/tiredness; or that there’s a possible danger here for baby. It started before baby was born – it started as soon as I knew that God had breathed life and blessed us with our little miracle. From making sure nothing or no one got too close to my “bump” to getting checked out when there hadn’t been a kick for a while.
I am also realising that my 3 month old has instincts. She has a suckling instinct, she instinctively knew what to do when the midwives put her on me just minutes after her being born – she knew a breast was food! She recognises me and daddy now, but she doesn’t know who we are. Yet when she’s not feeling too well or is tired she just instinctively knows its mummy’s arms she needs. No one taught her – like no one taught me....no one dropped a whole load of instinct on me one day. They were always there and when I needed them there they were. You know what, I’m hurtling towards the big 3-0 (argghhh!) but even at nearly 30years old, with a home, job, husband, sometimes when I’m feeling unwell, I still want my mum. What’s that all about? Instinctively I know my mum would look after me, and would stroke my head and make me feel better.

Another instinct within us is the instinct many people deny or dismiss. When our backs are against the wall, when there’s no hope, when all seems lost, so many people instinctively call out to their Creator, God. How many times do people who never go to church, never pray or read the Bible, suddenly pray to God in their hour of need? So-called atheists have even done it.  Why? Because there’s an instinct within us to reach out to the One Who we know can help us. Just like my 3month old baby knows when she’s in someone else’s arms not mummy’s or daddy’s arms (even when she’s not facing that person), instinct takes over and that innate sense of needing our parent, or needing our Father God, comes to the surface.  It’s God Who has given us such instincts. The mothering instinct was always in me because God knew I would become a mum. And we’re all His children, so we all have an innate gravitation towards God when we need Him. How beautiful.

Saved by grace

I wrote this in September 2011

I’ve learnt a lot about grace over the last 2 years. Grace is amazing – the song says it all:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.

However, it never ceases to amaze me how some people think a different rule applies to them than the rest of us. How many times have I heard Christians say that ‘God understands their situation’, as an excuse for not walking in His Word. This can be anything from smoking, to living in habitual sin. I have come to realise that we don’t know Jesus or His grace at all when we excuse lifestyles or idolatry with grace.

Grace isn’t an excuse to live as we wish. Living like that is actually displaying a hatred of God because John says that if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. We will all fail in some way every now and again, and because of His grace we don’t need to be overcome, defeated or condemned. But when we live in a constant mind-set of doing whatever we want because of grace then we are missing the meaning of grace.

The old song says that I once was lost and blind, but now I am found and see. There is a change here; there’s a past tense and a present tense. Grace should free us from the shackles of the past and release us into our freedom propelling us towards a better future. Grace should empower us to live in His perfect will, walk in love and will impact those around us. Grace gives us freedom.

When we don’t deserve the love and blessings or favour that are lavished upon us – that’s grace. When we don’t have the strength or the ability to do something in the natural realm, that’s where grace comes in. His grace is sufficient for us. We were not deserving of His sacrifice, but He did it anyway. That’s grace. We are saved, we are found and now we see....it’s all by His grace. Let’s live in that freedom that he’s bestowed upon us because of His grace.

When we start to understand grace, we start to understand, and get to know Him. When we start to get to know Him, we will see that we are free to be who He has called us to be and we will want to please Him. The preaching of grace does not lead to licentiousness, because by His grace we have the freedom to live in His perfect will for us.

If you don't look, you just won't see!

I wrote this in November 2010

It’s amazing at how easily we can miss things that are right in front of our eyes. Have you ever looked for your keys or glasses and after turning the house upside down, found they were right in front of you in the first place – or worse still, your glasses are actually perched on your head!?
I felt a little like this when I realised just how many times Paul has to warn the churches in his letters about false believing.  There are so many warnings from Paul to the Church on this subject. Here are just 2 examples of Paul’s exhortations to the church at Colossae and Galatia:
Colossians 2 v 4:  I say this in order that no one may mislead and delude you by plausible and persuasive and attractive arguments and beguiling speech .... Colossians 2 v 8: Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that's not the way of Christ.
Galatians 1 v 6-9: I can't believe your fickleness—how easily you have turned traitor to him who called you by the grace of Christ by embracing a variant message! It is not a minor variation, you know; it is completely other, an alien message, a no-message, a lie about God. Those who are provoking this agitation among you are turning the Message of Christ on its head. Let me be blunt: If one of us—even if an angel from heaven!—were to preach something other than what we preached originally, let him be cursed. I said it once; I'll say it again: If anyone, regardless of reputation or credentials, preaches something other than what you received originally, let him be cursed.

These are Christians that Paul is addressing, many of whom heard the Gospel from Paul himself (although the Church at Colossae probably heard the message from the other apostles). Many of these people probably heard of Jesus first hand from friends, relatives etc. It wasn’t really a matter of did Jesus exist for these people, it was more of whether He was indeed, the promised Messiah.  Yet despite hearing the gospel from probably some of the most dynamic men that walked the earth, these churches were so easily mislead.
Paul’s problem with the Galatian church was that they were resorting to the law for their righteousness. He called them fickle and traitors. Now that’s pretty strong. I wouldn’t be happy with being called fickle or a traitor!   They thought that by keeping the law, that they could be righteous. Of course, Paul admonishes that if this were so, what would Jesus needed to have come to earth for? We believe our righteousness is in Christ, purchased at such a great cost, nevertheless ours by grace. And this assurance of His wonderful gift of righteousness produces the right kind of living that the law demands.
Now how interesting that the law is in the Bible. It’s not that they had devised something new. It was Biblical stuff – not some cult or sin. But the issue is that Jesus came to fulfil the law. The law wasn’t God’s will. Abraham never had the law, yet he was called righteous. The problem with the law is that is separates us from God, because we just are incapable of keeping the law. Abraham had faith and was close to God. His faith was counted to him as righteousness. Once the law was given, the people backed away from God. They told Moses... “no, you talk to God, we’ll stay here”. Whereas Abraham was so close to God, God consulted him about destroying Sodom & Gomorrah. Paul knew the law, he was a very devout Jew. But then he was shown that Jesus is the Way, the Truth & the Light. If we think we can fulfil the law then we are saying we don’t need Jesus.
The church at Colossae had a similar issue – they were being told by legalists that they had to be circumcised and that there was certain food that they couldn’t eat. Again, all Biblical stuff, but again Paul needs to address it.
I love what Paul says to the Colossians in chapter 2 v 7 :
“Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving”

This is Paul’s answer to the issue – be planted deep within His love. We can only be planted in His love if we know Him intimately. When He is the centre of everything in our lives, when we are rooted in Him, then we will be Jesus-conscious.  We won’t be bound by the law, but we will automatically keep it, because we will be walking in the light of His love.
We won’t be swept away with the latest craze or side-tracked with the things of this world. We will be so filled with Him that if false teaching comes our way, we will know within our hearts. Scripture will always back-up scripture. We can easily test what we hear by looking for ourselves to see if it corresponds with what Jesus says.   In fact Paul even says if an angel comes and tells you something and it’s out of line with Jesus and the Gospel, then they are wrong. Paul makes it clear that he’s not talking about a false spirit here; he’s not talking about demons. He said if an angel from heaven tells you something that is contrary to Jesus’ words then let him be cursed. Now that’s fairly clear – we should always be on our guard making sure what we are taking in is in line with the Word of God. Don’t just automatically believe someone because they say they are someone knowledgeable or intellectual. Use His Wisdom.
(NB - I’m not saying to doubt everything you hear – but once you get His Word in your heart, if you hear something contrary to His word, you will know it straight away. Jesus said that His sheep will hear His voice....it all comes from a place of spending time with Him; learning His word, listening and listening so we know beyond doubt when we hear Him.)
In the next chapter (Col 3 v 14) Paul is exhorting the Colossian church to be meek, patient and gentle with each other, but he says “And above all these [put on] love”. The Greek word put denotes to clothe yourself, and also to sink into. That’s just a fantastic image to meditate on....to clothe ourselves in and to sink into His love.
That’s lovely, you may agree, but how exactly do we do that?  If we just go to verse 16 of the same chapter, Paul shares how we do that:  “Let the word [spoken by] Christ (the Messiah) have its home [in your hearts and minds] and dwell in you in [all its] richness”
I think we can all miss it now and then – usually totally innocently.  We slip back into thinking our good deeds will produce our own righteousness. Probably more than anything though, we get an image of Jesus that we have formed ourselves. We form an image of Him that suits our needs or thinking. We will all miss the mark every now and then, it’s inevitable. However, if His Word is in our hearts and minds and dwells in us, then we will always be Christ-conscious.  I think that the first step of how we let wrong beliefs set into us is that we neglect His true Word. There’s no end to the wonders of His Word.  I love that even though I’ve read something a dozen times before, He always reveals more of Himself though His Word. If I’m not reading His word, telling me who I am in Christ, and revealing His glory to me, I will miss it. I will fail to confess that I am more than a conqueror. I will overlook that He is King of kings and Lord of lords. I will cease to be conscious of the fact that at His name, every knee will bow.
Society today has a very strange perception of Jesus, church, God. Just a hundred or so years ago, the church was a centre of a town or village. Now, it’s probably the pub! People’s perceptions change like the breeze changes. God never changes – He is the same yesterday, today & forever Amen!  Just because today’s society has a distorted idea of church and God, we can make sure that we are seeing the true and Living God for Who He really is by letting Him have His home in our hearts. AMEN!

ACTS – It's how we should act.....

I wrote this in October 2010....

If you read the first few chapters of Acts about the early church, you can’t help but wish you could have been there. I often think that of all of history, that is the most dynamic time for a Christian to be on the earth. Whatever they were doing, they were doing it well....they were adding daily to their numbers the Bible says (Acts 2 v 47).
The people who weren’t saved respected them so much that there was a sense of fear and awe. People in the streets lined up the sick so that even the shadow of Peter may fall on them. So anointed was he, so radiant with the glory of Jesus, that his shadow was packed with it too and it healed the sick! Those are amazing times. I’ve recently re-read Acts, and although I’ve read it numerous times before, something keeps niggling me this time round. I look at my life and I wonder how I can be as effective as the early church.
I believe the Bible tells us everything we need to know. Every word is God breathed. Nothing in there, although we may not understand it at the moment, is there as a filler. That’s the beauty of the Word of God. However, the early church had a disadvantage...they didn’t have any of the New Testament. Therefore we, having the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and all the revelations that great men and women of God have shared with us through the ages, should be able to walk in these great footsteps of the early church with ease!
There are a few simple truths the Bible shows us about the early church we should take good heed of as they are there for our benefit. In Acts 2, Peter gives a great speech. But it’s more than a speech – he quotes the word of God. It’s Old Testament prophecy that he starts expounding. The Old is the New concealed: we know that Jesus has been entwined and hidden in scriptures since the beginning. The OT is full of Jesus. Peter knew this; he knew the word of God, and therefore he saw Jesus in the OT. His great speech on that distinguished day was inspired by his knowledge of God’s Word. We can’t ever be effective in this life if we don’t cherish God’s Word. Proverbs says to keep God’s word in your heart, and also that God’s Word is wisdom.
So apart from a love and knowledge of God's Word, what else did this early church do? From three verses in Acts 2 we can get an overview of early church life.  I can barely believe that there is so much in 3 verses.
Let’s take a look at v 42 first: “And they steadfastly persevered, devoting themselves constantly to the instruction and fellowship of the apostles, to the breaking of bread [including the Lord's Supper] and prayers”
Now if we look at this verse, this is what they did as a church:
o  They steadfastly persevered. That’s the fruit of the spirit – that’s patience in action. Patience is more than a nice quality. I often think that if faith is the substance of things unseen, then patience is the evidence of our faith. It’s what the world sees as we stand in faith. It’s really important to develop this fruit of the spirit and I don’t think it’s preached enough.
o   They devoted themselves constantly to the instruction & fellowship of the apostles – now we can substitute apostles for leaders. We need to devote ourselves to our leaders. As a church we need to submit to our leaders because God has put them there for us. They have a huge responsibility and we need to respect them. No, they won’t get it right all the time, they’re human! That doesn’t mean we jump ship or bad mouth them. They are divinely appointed and we have a duty to submit ourselves to them – through the rough and the smooth. That’s devotion, and that’s what the early church had.
Over the years as a Christian, for various reasons I have changed churches a few times, and there have been times when that has been right to do so. However, it’s spiritually bad to go church hopping. I see so many people dropping in and out of church. Making a commitment to a church & the leaders of that church is something we must all do as Christians. Church is God’s will for Christians. It’s that simple and you can’t argue against that. We need to devote ourselves to our spiritual leaders and support them if we are to see dynamic church. There's an important word there - "constantly". We need to be constant to our church and our leaders.
o   They broke bread. This is something that is really simple – they took the Lord’s Supper. I believe there are so many hidden truths in the taking of the Lord’s Supper. Jesus Himself demonstrated this. He told us to take the bread and the wine in remembrance of Him. There’s something powerful about the Holy Communion.
o   Prayers. There’s not much more to say here. How many times does the Bible say to pray? Not only to pray, but to “Pray without ceasing”. Now this verse is talking about what they did together, so we mustn’t forsake praying together as a body.
If we move on to v 46 & 47: “And day after day they regularly assembled in the temple with united purpose, and in their homes they broke bread [including the Lord's Supper]. They partook of their food with gladness and simplicity and generous hearts,  Constantly praising God and being in favor and goodwill with all the people; and the Lord kept adding [to their number] daily those who were being saved [from spiritual death].”
A few more truths are revealed here and I see these as our own personal mandates as the verse says “In their homes” so there is somthing we can learn here on a family and individual level:

• They regularly assembled together. There’s a need for us to regularly meet together. This requires action from us. Don’t forsake assembling together in a church setting. It’s God’s will for you to be in church.
• With united purpose. They had the same vision. This is important that they all had the same vision. If we are all striving for different things as a church, divisions will appear. We must have one united purpose. This requires a decision from us – we decide to align ourselves with the vision of the church we are part of. We then take this unity into our own lives and homes, and make it a way of life. We can’t be effective in church if we are divided and split and that also applies in our home lives. It won’t work as divisions are dangerous. Paul warns in Romans 16 v 17 “I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.”

Now we move onto what they did themselves at home:

• In their homes they broke bread. Again, the Lord’s Supper is mentioned. This is something we should be clearly giving precedence to. The early church did this together as a body, and when they were at home with their families. It’s important to bring Jesus into our homes. This is a key part of family and church life. How many of us partake of the Lord’s Supper at home? I do so very rarely - mainly when I am needing healing. But how much more effective would I be if I did this regularly? Jesus didn’t demonstrate the Lord’s Supper in the temple. He did it whilst he was relaxing and having a meal. We need to heed this very important point, and regularly partake of the Lord’s Supper as He leads us.
• Gladness, simplicity and generous hearts. Now if you read the previous verse, (45) you will see we’ve just been told that they sold their possessions and distributed the money to the church. However despite this, they are glad – they have the joy of the Lord. They are happy with simplicity and have generous hearts. Now we never hear of any of them being in lack for selling their stuff and tithing it to the church. We’re not told anyone went hungry. On the contrary, I think actually they were blessed beyond measure. They understood that when we’re blessed of God, we give of that blessing. Then God blesses us, and we give of that blessing etc etc.
• Constantly praising God. How powerful praise is. It’s easy to do when everything’s going well.   Constantly praising though? That means praising when things get tough. Now, that’s when praise is difficult. David constantly praised God. When he didn’t feel like doing it, he did it anyway, and commanded his soul to bless God “Bless the Lord, oh my soul” (Psalm 103). We need to remember that this is an important weapon in our armoury and important to do when we are away from the church and going about our own lives.

• Being in favour and goodwill with all the people. To be in favour and goodwill with all people is something I aspire to. It’s not the easiest thing in the world. But they walked in love and that’s the key, and they were glad and joyous. Amazing what a reaction you will get from people by just being joyful.

I’ve really only just begun to see the wonders of how the early church operated, but it’s really all foundational stuff. These are things we should be doing anyway. Sometimes, maybe we just need to get back to basics and we’ll be more effective as His body here on earth. My prayer today is that I am part of Acts 2 here in 2010.

Work In Progress

This is a blog I wrote in May 2010

I’ve just got back from holiday. When we first got there, and we got into our room at the hotel, we pulled back the curtains, stepped out onto the balcony and were faced with a view of a partly erected building. It looked quite ugly.  In fact it was so ugly, we kept the curtains closed for the whole week and never sat out on the balcony once.  Due to the “credit crunch” there were quite a lot of these partly-built buildings on the island, and all work seemed to have stopped on them.
As I was reading and meditating one afternoon, I suddenly realised that I am a bit like that building outside our room – I’m a work-in-progress. I’ve often said to non-believers when faced with comments about some mistake I’ve made, that I’m not perfect, I’m a work in progress. I’m being sculpted by the Master Potter, being built into Christ. This is true – none of us is perfect, only Jesus.
But what happens when work stops? What happens when life’s tough times “stop work”? If I’m not letting the Builder actually work on me, I’m just like that building – ugly, and of no use to anyone.
Each one of us is at a different stage in our Christian lives, but when I look back, I can see times in my life when I’ve let the cares of this world cause me to drift away and I’ve stopped the Builder from working in me.  Those are the times when I should have stayed close to His heart, as it’s often in our most testing times that He can do the most work on us.  When we’re at our lowest, when we come to the end of ourselves and we are weak in human strength, then God’s strength abounds:  2 Cor 12 v 10 “for when I am weak [ in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).”
When life’s all nice and pleasant and everything’s going well, it’s easy to be close to God. It’s easy to read the Word and pray and praise. But when the bills are piling up, and when work’s tough, or things in your family life’s not great, or when that symptom in your body appears, suddenly these things are bigger than the Word. Praising and thanksgiving are suddenly hard to do. As your focus comes off God, onto the situation, it can be difficult to get it shifted back.  But Paul says it’s God grace and strength we should be using, not our own. In fact, Paul welcomed trials and hard times, for he could rest in God all the more: (2 Cor 2 v 9)  “My grace (My favour and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!”
It’s comforting to know even Paul had weaknesses and faced things that he just couldn’t cope with on his own. Paul wasn’t perfect, he too was a work in progress. But Paul drew close to God when troubles came, and allowed himself to be moulded by the Master Potter ( Isaiah 64 v 8 “We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand”).  Everyday I pray that a little less of me remains, and a little more of Jesus shines through in me. When the next trial comes, draw close to Him; allow His strength and peace to surround you and lift you up. Praise Him with a joyful heart, knowing His grace is sufficient for you, and allow Him to work in you, to mould and shape you more like His wonderful Son.

It's not a sin to be angry

In the Christian world, there's a bit of a taboo on anger. Clearly it's not good to be angry, but it's not a sin to be angry.  We get angry because we feel passionately when we have been wronged. It's not bad or sinful to have feelings, whether they're good happy or sad ones. God gave us feelings after all. It's quite possible to be angry and be pleasing to God: I think there's a place for righteous anger. So for example, when we see a prevalence of sin, or a grave injustice, it's perfectly acceptable to feel anger in these situations. If people never felt any such feelings, we'd never be motivated enough to stand up for justice and equality, and for God's Word.

The first instance of anger in the Bible is when Cain offered his offering to God, along with his brother Abel, and God deemed Abel's offering more acceptable.  Cain's feelings were hurt, and he wanted to please God, but because God didn't deem his offering acceptable, he was "angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed." (Gen 4v5). Right there and then, God didn't swoop down and smite Cain, saying, "Oh your sinful creature, you are full of anger. You are banished from my sight!"  No, He said: "Why are you angry? And why do you look sad and depressed and dejected? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you, but you must master it."

God sees Cain is angry but doesn't condemn him for his anger, but instead and asks him why he's angry. 

Right there is where we see the pivotal point of where anger becomes sin. If you do well, you will be accepted, if you don't do well then sin lies in wait. So what should Cain have done to use his anger and do well at that point?  He should have listened to God's question first of all. It's the most important question He could ask Cain. WHY are you angry? The answer Cain should have given was that he was angry because he wanted to please God, but he failed. His offering wasn't worthy and he didn't please God like Abel did, and that was why he was angry. He wasn't angry with Abel, he was angry with himself. The correct introspection should have lead to him doing well and being accepted by using his passion and anger by doing something to remedy the situation - i.e. offer a more acceptable sacrifice to God. 

However, we all know Cain chose to ignore God's question. He let his anger consume him, instead of letting it fuel him towards what God was urging him to do. Instead he went out and killed his brother, letting his anger turn to sin.  

  

Another time God didn't correct someone for being angry is when Moses got angry at the people of Israel (although he did this many times). But specifically I'm thinking about the time he'd been up the mountain with God whilst the people who'd recently been freed from centuries of slavery, unable to worship their God, forced to worship idols, were waiting for the word from their God. He was on his way down with the 10 commandments and what did they do, but create a golden calf to worship! Moses was so angry, he broke the tablets of stone! Ex 32 v 19 "And Moses’ anger blazed hot and he cast the tablets out of his hands and broke them at the foot of the mountain"

Moses was rightly angry. He didn't sin though, he told the people he was going to pray for them and he sought God.  

There was a time though when his anger did get the better of him, and it had grave consequences. Moses had been leading these people, God's people, having lead them out of generations of captivity, however instead of being ecstatic at being free, they complained about everything. They saw major miracles, they had God with them night and day, yet they still complained about God and Moses for bringing them out into the wilderness. It’s clearly not a surprise that Moses was a little naffed off with them. They were complaining about being thirsty, and God yet again came through for them telling Moses, 
"Take the rod, and assemble the congregation, you and Aaron your brother, and tell the rock before their eyes to give forth its water, and you shall bring forth to them water out of the rock; so you shall give the congregation and their livestock drink” (Numbers 20 v 8). 
Now Moses "lifted up his hand and with his rod he smote the rock twice. And the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their livestock." Blink and you may miss it, but God sees Moses' anger and his sin. Moses struck the rock twice instead of once. He let his anger manifest by misrepresenting God to His people. God loved these people, even though they were grumbling and moaning. Whatever they asked, He provided them. But Moses was getting angry with them, and he manifested his anger by striking the rock twice and he disobeyed God by doing so, and he misrepresented God, alluding to the Israelites that God may be angry with them too. This manifestation of Moses' anger lead to God telling Moses, you "shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them."  That's a smack in the chops for Moses - he'd done all God had told him; he'd stood up to Pharaoh; he'd been God's voice to the people; he'd been up the mountain with God and had untold revelations of God's majesty; he'd even asked to see God, and God allowed him to see a tiny glimpse of His back (any more would probably have killed Moses). Yet the result of Moses' anger, even though he was angry for a "good" reason, and God said no, you can't go into the promised land.

Let's jump over to the New Testament, to Ephesians 4 v 26 "When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down."

Notice that Paul doesn't say, don't get angry. He doesn't say, when angry you're being sinful. Rather, he sees that as humans, we will get angry, sometimes perhaps rightly or wrongly, but whatever the cause, we are to check ourselves. Jesus got angry at the sinners who were using the temple as their marketplace, dealing and selling and gambling in His Father's house.  It was borne out of passion and we know Jesus never sinned. He immediately did something about it. We must choose not to sin, and he lets us into a little nugget of revelation, that we must not let our anger fester.  This is what Cain did. He focussed on his anger, he let it niggle away at him instead of addressing it and using it to do well. 

We're not supposed to live in a state of anger, don't misinterpret me. Anger produces hormones and responses in us which will lead to stress and health issues if left for long periods of time. It will lead to unforgiveness and you only need to look at Cain to see what a festering anger can lead to....If we ask ourselves the question God asked Cain, "why are you angry", before we even have chance to sin, we can use the passion we feel and do well. Don't feel condemned if you feel angry. God will guide you in how to do well.