In The Valley

The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me],

I shall not want.

He lets me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still and quiet waters.

He refreshes and restores my soul (life);

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, 

I fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me.

~ Psalm 23 v 1-4

The last few months, I've been walking through my own "valley of the shadow" -  not of death, thank goodness, but it's been a dark and very unpleasant valley, full of the echoes and the memories of the past. With a few other things thrown into the mix at the same time, it's been an unpleasant season in my life.
The definition of a valley is that it is is a "hollow or depression" of the earth, bounded by hills or mountains. As such, valleys are sometimes dark, the light being blocked out by the hills. Dark it has been. It's felt a lonely time, when I've questioned the very things that make me who I am. I've come to the end of myself, and seen only the darkness of the valley and wondered if there was any point carrying on this journey. And as clichéd as that is, life is a journey. It's an over-used phrase bandied about by too many reality/talent tv show contestants, that has become somewhat of a grating phrase on me. Even so, we are on a journey, and we do move through different phases in life, whether we want to or not and sometimes, we find ourselves in a valley of some kind. We all want to avoid the valley, we don't want to be in the dark and the shadows, where perhaps we can see other people up on the high hills, enjoying the bright sun and the wind in their hair, having fun. 
I may not be out of my valley, I can however see the end, the bright and large open spaces ahead. I need my Shepherd to guide me though, as I can't do it on my own. If I look to my Shepherd, I will be led to the still restful waters and the fresh pastures. I will be refreshed in the valley and ready for whatever He leads me to next. Wherever I go, whatever I face, no matter how awful, there is nothing that our Shepherd can't do. He is expert in the impossible, He is the ultimate Healer and Protector and He longs to guide us and comfort us. 

As the psalmist is walking through the valley, he's likening himself to a sheep. Vulnerable, defenceless and at the mercy of the elements and the predators around him.  But there are some other interesting characteristics about valleys. You will frequently find a river or stream in the valley, and the land surrounding that river or stream is often very fertile. Also, the stream or river will carry away the debris that falls or erodes from the valley walls, so although winds and storms may wash stones and rocks down into the valley, they get swept away by the water, keeping paths clear of large obstacles. The valley, although a dangerous one, is serene in this psalm. There are green pastures, and still and restful waters. Actually in the valley, you're sheltered from the strong winds.  There are clearly dangers, as sheep are prey to all sorts of animals such as bears, mountain lions, foxes, wild dogs to name a few. But when you know someone is shepherding you, guiding you, protecting you, then you can enjoy the valley and even find beauty in it.

The story of my valley experience doesn't define me, I am a survivor and I can pass through the valley, knowing that I can get to the open plains beyond, and I am thankful that along the way, there have been a few amazing people helping me through. 

There have been times when my soul hasn't felt anything like "refreshed", it has been brought down to the low depths of the valley floor, and I have completely lost my mind in the turmoil. There have been times I've called out to God, and despaired when heaven seemed eerily silent. I have had times when I couldn't even pray, the words wouldn't come, my heart felt too heavy, my faith depleted. It has felt like all the storms of life have conspired in treachery against me. The rocks of the valley sides haven't been washing away into the river for me, they've been tumbling down around me as I have sojourned this season in the valley.  After yet another blow, feeling in tatters and broken, I asked my daughter to pray for me a few months ago about something. I couldn't even summon up the energy or faith to pray myself. Then a couple of weeks ago, the answer to her prayer was manifest. It felt like a buzz of electric through my floundering heart. I have had some glimpses of God's goodness throughout this journey. I have, however, had my head down too much. I have been watching my step, too cautious to look outwards or upwards to see the beauty of the areas of green pasture, and the restful waters, the light and love that comes from my Shepherd. Just because we walk through the tough places in life, He never leaves us. He's always asking us gently to look upwards, see His arms around us, to see the beauty in His people around us, to see that the valley's not ideal, but even in the dark cold valley, He can lead us to the places that are restful, and we can lean on Him for our comfort and consolation. 

I am in love

When you first fall in love, it is nothing short of magical. You whole world is turned upside down and everything changes. You think more about the love of your life than you do yourself. The sky seems bluer, the sun feels warmer, the birds chirp tuneful songs, and even the rain is sweet, as the soft drops patter on the window, tip-tapping their own little love beat.

I am in love. My heart belongs to someone else. Each time it beats, the rhythm beats his name. In fact, my heart beats faster when I hear his name mentioned, fluttering and racing just at the mere mention of him.  I find myself whispering his name as it brings me an inexplicable joy. When I think of him, I am warmed from the inside out, and a smile lights my face. My thoughts wander to him when I am going about my day, and I look forward to spending some time with him, to be in his presence, to speak to him. I yearn for my time with him, and need it as much as I need the air I breathe. I inhale his presence, and I find my rest and peace in his loving arms. He is my everything, and I am his. He is always there for me, loving me unconditionally, he is full of love and joy and his gentle nature draws me to him. He is magnetic, and I can't help but be drawn to him; when I am alone with him, I never want to leave. It's difficult to drag myself away and go and do the mundane things in this life that need doing. But he bids me to do what needs to be done, and he is there with me, helping me, encouraging me, and loving me.

He knows me inside out -  knows every part of me, even when I'm horrible and I don't even like myself, he's there, telling me I am his and he still loves me. He knows me through and through, yet he loves me and that blows my mind. Yet I don't know him fully. I long to know him more. I want to know everything about him. I yearn to know his every word, thought and deed. I listen with intent and his words are ever in my heart and mind. I adore him, and everything about him - his compassionate, generous and loving heart; his strength, his beauty. I am his. Without question, to death and beyond.

What is it though, about love, that makes us complacent? Why in relationships does the heat and the fiery passion fade, and the complacency and familiarity set it? We go from red hot for our love, to lukewarm, and sometimes to cold when the love is gone. What happens to us? We have probably all been there. Time ticks on, we get to know each other, and we may squabble, or get annoyed with each other, then something upsets us, we stop spending as much time together......

Sometimes this does happen. Life gets in the way, and the time we spend together gets reduced. Or maybe not reduced in time, but in quality. We don't give as much to the time we spend with that person. We stop listening to what they say, or don't listen properly and place less and less importance and weight to the other person's thoughts and feelings. We let other things take their place - work gets demanding so we spend too much head space in work, or with children, or with friends or even with our hobbies or other interests. Probably it's a mixture of all these things. Our love remains, but it doesn't burn as hot, and we would perhaps go from describing ourselves as "In Love" with the person to "loving" the person.

When our relationships get complacent and we go from "hot" to "lukewarm", something is amiss. My love says he'd rather I be "cold" than lukewarm. That seems a bit extreme, you may think - surely it's better to have some love rather than not having any love? Well, no. Because if you're in it, you're in it fully. If you've ever been completely besotted about someone, and loved them so much you could burst, but the object of your affection is rather indifferent, giving some love and attention occasionally, and on their terms, it makes you feel pretty low. It's actually more heart-breaking than unrequited love. Even more so when the person once loved you with a passion, yet before your eyes, you see their love has faded. They once wanted to spend every waking moment with you, and now they slot you in when they remember or have a superficial relationship with you. That is painful. It's horrible.    I have been guilty of the lukewarm love and the half-hearted relationship with my love. I actually didn't love him any less, but stuff got in the way. Although he's always been 100% committed to me, loving me, and caring for me, I've pushed him away and I've preferred other things rather than spending time with him. I got lukewarm.

My love I spoke of above is not a he...but a He. He is Jesus. As weird as that may sound to some, He is completely my everything. Now, for those who may be tripping at that - I can't truly explain it, because it's beyond mere English words. I can only say that true Christianity is a relationship. When we think of God, Jesus, the Bible, we just need to separate religion and everything we have learned in school or society or even in some churches! Religion is so far from God, further than the east is from the west. So the only way I can help someone who doesn't know Jesus, or who only knows about Him, is to say: free your mindsets of religion. God made us to be His family. He made us for relationship. And you can't have a relationship with someone who you don't spend time with.
So, back to it - Jesus says to be lukewarm in our relationship with Him is detestable, and sickening. He says it makes Him want to vomit - I am paraphrasing a little, but you can check it out in Revelation 3. We need to remain on fire in our love and our passion for Him. What's the key to this though? I think the answer can be found in that portion of His letter to the Laodicean church when He describes them as lukewarm.  He goes on to explain that they see themselves as rich and in need of nothing - i,e, they are self sufficient, and don't look to their Provider for their needs. They don't call on their Saviour anymore. They may be financially well off, but this has become a stumbling block to them as they never spend time with Jesus now. They never depend on Him, use their faith, or call upon Him, They are strolling along in life, possibly giving lip service to their faith, going to church, but never loving Him and loving His people. Life's good - and probably is good because He has blessed them so, but instead of being humble with those blessings, and giving Him the glory and continuing to lean on Him, their eyes are not on their First Love, Jesus.

We need to put in the time to maintain a relationship. Being as though Jesus is always there, it's up to us to make the time. We need to be doing the things that keep our heart in beat with His - praying, praising, giving thanks, showing His love to the world, worshipping, and listening. When we go to Him, we sometimes need to go with no agenda and no long prayer list of needs or wants. We just need to go to Him because we need to be with Him, and we yearn for a few minutes of His presence with no other reason than just to love Him and be loved. It's so easy to become lukewarm, even Paul urged us to "fan the flames" to keep our heart burning for God  (2 Tim 1 v 6 - "stir up (rekindle the embers of, fan the flame of, and keep burning) the [gracious] gift of God, [the inner fire] that is in you )

I think it behoves us to give all of our relationships an examination every now and then to make sure that we aren't becoming complacent or "lukewarm" with the people around us. Are we giving our spouses the love they deserve? Or are we in a rut of the same old routines and daily habits? Do we need to take a few minutes a day and make some special time for them - a few minutes in a morning to have a cup of tea together and talk about the day's activities; or some time in the evening before we switch on the TV and talk about our days, really listening to each other and getting some quality time without distractions? Or our children....do we need to switch off the phone, close down the computer and actually engage and be present more? To listen whilst they are willing to talk? To play the silly games whilst they are still happy enough to play games and have fun with us? Every relationship needs input. And it is definitely more about quality than quantity. A quality 30 mins with the people closest to you, in an otherwise busy day, can mean everything to them. And when it comes down to it, we always make time for the things most dearest to our hearts.