Thursday, 31 May 2012

What would she say?

At the end of our first year together, through all the struggles and the questionning of our parenting styles, I'd like to think that my baby would say something like the following if she could.....

The first sound I heard was your heart beat, rhythmically beating and making me feel safe. I love hearing your heart beat; there's something so comforting about it, I cannot describe. When you held me close to your chest, and when I nursed, I could hear your heartbeat and it made me feel so warm and secure.

The first voice I ever heard was yours, even though it sounded a little strange in my first home; I loved hearing your voice whether you were talking or singing; I still do. It makes me feel safe. You kept me warm and secure and when you rubbed your tummy it felt like you were giving me a hug. I was never hungry or thirsty, never cold or scared, never alone and never unhappy.

Then when I came out of my first home, my happy cocoon, I didn't know what was happening. It was cold and big, it was scary and new. There were hands on me and I didn't like it. But I heard your voice, and I was in some warm loving arms, and I knew it was ok. I saw your face, even though it was a little blurry. I wanted to look at your face and imprint it into my mind. I felt safe in your arms as you held me.

You soon fed me precious milk and held me close. I knew that I would know this scent forever; your scent and your yummy milk make me feel safe. You gave me lots of cuddles and you talked to me. 

I didn't know how to tell you when something was wrong....sometimes I was hungry, sometimes I was very tired, sometimes I just needed you to cuddle me. I tried to tell you and I know sometimes you got a bit upset because you didn't know what I was telling you. But you figured it out in the end, because mainly I was happy with a cuddle or yummy milk. 

When you sing to me and talk to me, I love it. I don't like it when you're away from me though. When I can't see you, I sometimes get upset because I miss you and don't know when you're coming back.  I only cry because I miss you very much. Just a few minutes feels like a very very long time to me.  You never leave me for very long, especially if I'm crying. I feel so relieved when I'm back in your arms.

I love our milky cuddles and when you nurse me, I'm all warm and your milk tastes lovely and sometimes, I'm so content, I fall asleep. I love falling to sleep in your arms, snuggled into you. I nurse a lot, but your milk is so good for me, my body uses all its nutrients to help me grow and it's always exactly what I need. Also I have a tiny tummy so I need lots of frequent feeds. I also don't like to feel over-full and I like being able to drink exactly what I need. 

I love it when you put me in the material that you call a wrap, that holds me close to you and straps me to your chest and we go walking around. I like being up high so I can see all the new things. But most of all, I love being close to you; it feels like you're hugging me even though you have your hands free. This is another favourite place for me to fall asleep.

I love these nice soft nappies that don't smell of any chemicals and are soft against my skin. I like that they don't make my botty sore, and that they are pretty. I like that you tell me when you are going to change my nappy, and that we are going to have lunch or go out;  because you always tell me, I now know what is coming and you involve me in everything you do. I know you sometimes have to leave me a few minutes to have your shower, and I know what it means, and I'm sorry I cry when you tell me, but I miss you and it's just my way of dealing with it. I know you'll be back because you always come back and I know you love me. I'm so relieved when I see you again, with that funny towel hiding your hair, wrapeed around your head.

So for all the cuddles, and all the kisses, even when I've woken you up; for all the smelly nappies you've washed; for all the songs you've sung to me; for all the soft words you've whispered into my ear; for all the times you've come to me as soon as I cried and all the lovely milk you give me; for all the times you wrap me into you instead of putting me in the pram, and all the times you play with me; for all the nights we sleep snuggled into each other or holding hands; for not making me drink your milk out of that bottle even though I know you wanted me to; for never letting me cry myself to sleep but for always making me feel loved....thank you mummy. 



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