Captivated !

When I first met my husband, I was instantly attracted to him. I thought he was a bit out of my league to be honest, but nevertheless I wanted to get to know him and found excuses to try and be in a situation where I could talk to him. When we started dating, I soon fell head over heels for him, He captured my heart and I was pretty much floating around on cloud nine for months. I wanted to spend every second with him, and I missed him when he wasn't with me. I still miss him when we're not together, and I still love him immensely, even more in fact now 11 years later. He captivated me all those years ago, and I love being with him.

Have you ever met someone you've been captivated by? Sometimes we can be captivated by people in a completely non-physical sense. Not a physical attraction like with our spouse, but more an attraction on another level: a connection may be a better description. Not even a friendship necessarily, but rather a person you just instantly have a connection with. Someone in whose presence you feel at ease; someone who oozes an aura that makes you feel warm, peaceful, comfortable and you don't even know why. There's something about being around that particular person that just makes you feel happy or peaceful in a way that you can't even put your finger on. It's something about their demeanour or character that you are enthralled by. Sometimes you can just be captivated by someone, like a magnet is pulling you to them because you have some kind of intangible, inexplicable connection. You just enjoy being in their presence and can't fully explain why, they simply have something about them that makes you feel different for being with them.

There is a Person Who has this effect on me and His name is Jesus. The Ultimate Captivator. Being with Him is a bit like a drug: it's addictive and the more time I spend with Him, the more I crave spending more time with Him. He's utterly captivating and you can't help but want to be with Him, get to know Him and love Him. I look forward to alone time with Him, and I smile when I hear His name or think of Him.

If you know Jesus, and you've ever tried to explain to someone what spending time with a Person you can't see physically is like, it's really difficult to explain isn't it? And if you don't know Jesus, and you want to understand why someone wants to spend time with a Person Who they can't see, well, it's really quite impossible to explain which is a shame because that's the reason for this post! Try as I might, I can't accurately find the words to convey how amazing it is. I can use the word amazing a lot, but it doesn't really come close. I can guarantee you it is real, and is just as fulfilling - actually no, it's more fulfilling than any other relationship you'll ever have. As crazy as it sounds, and yes it does sound crazy, there's more joy and fulfilment in a moment with Jesus, than with anyone, anything or anywhere else in the universe. The thing is, it's something no one else can help with; it's something you have to embark on yourself with Him.

Relationships grow, well they do if they're healthy. When I first met my husband, we spent time together and got to know each other. We talked, we had fun and we fell in love. As time goes on, yes we sometimes have disagreements, but our love has never waivered, it has only grown. Our relationship deepened and continues to do so as we know each other more, and we take pleasure in spending time together.  A relationship with Jesus is similar except He already knows us - the good the bad and the ugly. There's no point being on your 'best behaviour' like we sometimes do at the beginning of a relationship with our boyfriend/girlfriend, trying to portray the best of ourselves because He knows us inside out, yet still loves us. We can just be ourselves right from the outset, and He much prefers that. I'm quite sure I'll love my husband forever, and vice versa, but with human relationships, we know that our love isn't perfect and sometimes people can hurt each other, and even "fall out of love". With Jesus, there's no element of doubt as His love is unconditional, eternal and perfect. The security of knowing that you are completely loved, for eternity just as you are, and that you can't do anything to make Him love you more or less, is completely captivating and very liberating.

As I look back now on my relationship with Jesus, it also has grown, a bit like a human relationship. We've had our ups and downs. In reality it's my ups and downs as He's constant, never changing in His love and yearning to spend time with me; it's actually me who has had periods of neglecting Him, not spending time with Him, and being angry with Him. There's no point in sugar coating Christianity, we need to be real - sometimes I have been angry with Him! After all, I'm human, and we get angry sometimes.  A lot of people, if they are brave enough to admit it, are angry with God. The good thing about Him though is He understands, and He wants us to come to Him when we feel like that because He's real and He cares.  It's actually out of these times when I've run to Him when I've felt angry or upset that our relationship has deepened the most, because like a tender Father He has helped me and I've got to know Him even more.

When I first became a Christian, I didn't really know Who He was, and I wasn't sure of what He thought about me. I heard that He loved me, but I wasn't sure it was true. I heard that He wanted the best for me, but again, it wasn't personal or real. Relationships take time, and it's weird at first to contemplate that a Holy and righteous God, Who created the whole universe wants to spend time with you. But He does! It starts out by talking. We need to get talking to Him, listening too! Relationships rely on honest communication, and that is what sets Christianity apart from religion. Jesus invites you to be completely honest and completely yourself. If you're a mess, He doesn't mind - He says come as you are. We'll patch you up.  If you're not eloquent, or you think you're unworthy, He says, I love you and you don't need to be anything other than yourself because I created you, just come as you are and be loved. 

Just like you can tell me about your husband or wife or best friend, and you can tell me what they are like, what they do, how they spend their free time, I can tell you about Jesus. But unless I meet your husband/wife or best friend, I won't know them, I'll only know about them. I won't have a connection or a personal friendship or relationship because you can't have a relationship with someone you don't spend time with. Just hearing about someone is no substitute for relationship and a personal connection. This is why some churches are quite dead places. There's a lack of relationship. Where there's relationship, there's life, love and joy.

Similarly, someone can tell you a lot about Jesus, and it's great to hear about Him. But the difference comes when you actually get to know Him yourself by spending time with Him. Knowing about Him and knowing Him are two different things.  We can sit in church, week after week, year after year and hear about Jesus. We can sing songs and pray prayers and still not truly connect with Him. We can hear, and not really listen, we can sing and not engage in true worship. Going to church may help you hear about Him, but it won't automatically give you relationship with Him because relationships are personal. They require one-on-one time. It's not enough to just attend church, although of course attending church is great. Consider though, if we only spent an hour or two with our spouse each week, would we have a good relationship? If we ignored them for the other 166 hrs in the week, never spoke to them, never laughed with them, never shared our feelings, thoughts or comings-and-goings, how would our marriages be after a few weeks?

I've gone on a bit. It's one of the side effects of loving Him - you just want everyone else to come and experience the joy and love of Him too. It's too wonderful not to share - just like when you first fall in love, you can't help taking about that person all the time!

I'm not professing that I know Him in full by any means; I'm learning more every day about Him. In reality, after 25 yrs I've hardly scratched the surface of knowing Him. But the exciting thing is that there's so much more to know about Him, and I'll spend eternity getting to know Him, and there's nothing more fantastic than that prospect because every second with Him is pure heaven. My heart is His, and I am truly captivated with Him. I want to encourage you with all of my heart to get to know Him personally. It's not about religion, He's interested in relationship. He does the normality of real-life, He does pain-taking, He does healing, He does laughs, and He does love like you've never known. Be captivated!